9 Jan 2012

OH GOD KILL IT WITH FIRE




You see, this is the kind of thing that makes me doubt that the laws of Darwin are properly respected on Toddlers and Tiaras. When I think about the parents (and indeed, environment/society) that spawns these child abominations and sets them loose upon our TV boxes, my skin crawls as my body naturally retracts into a fetal position, awaiting the inevitable apocalypse via giant, sassy BEAUHH-TAY QUEEENS from the far reaches of hell.

I have a theory about where these children come from. It involves the special circles of hell dedicated to trailer park parents living on road kill that commit the souls of their newborn to the very tentacled horror that impregnated them with the spawn of evil. Then they unleash this festering brood of cabbage-patch demons to desensitize us to this kind of depravity and gradually acclimatize the world to the horrors the Brood of evil are planning to conquer us all with.


But that's just me. What do you think?

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